In the Footsteps of St. Louis Marie de Montfort
"Footsteps Online"
Summer 2000 (Volume 5, Issue 2)
Reconciliation - How?
Reconciliation! Sounds good, doesn't it? But how do we arrive at it?
It comes from a dark place filled with hate, hurt, anger, resentment, helplessness and despair.
These are things that can eat away at your soul and only when we cry out in belief and hope to our loving Father can we gain the wisdom and strength needed to set out on the journey ahead.
Unlike many people in Northern Ireland I lived abroad during the worst of the 'Troubles' and did not experience any of the pain and suffering like so many others. My journey was an inner one rather than that of two people with conflicting ideas and ideals.
My foe was unseen and not acknowledged. FEAR.
Deep in my heart I wanted to be close to God. I felt alone and betrayed by things in my life. I felt He had gone so far away from me that I was left in a deep dark pit that seemed like the grave. I prayed, but where was my God? I wanted to find Him, but was afraid to in case I was not good enough or loving enough.
The path towards reconciliation is a hard one, full of pitfalls, walls that seem insurmountable, big boulders, stones and little pebbles. Especially when put there by your own hand. I wanted to feel His arms around me, to know that I was loved. I looked and looked - I realise now that my eyes and heart were closed - until I was on my knees. When you are that low there is nothing left to do but look up.
It was then that I discovered I had been on that journey back all along. Yes, I had gone down into the pit but had come out to climb over the wall. I had fallen over the boulders, tripped over stones and turned my ankle on the pebbles. I had arrived on my knees but in the arriving and finding I had the greatest surprise of all.
The Love of God.
So immense that I could not see over it or around it.
It surrounded me and totally engulfed me.
"Your biggest sin is that you don't believe in the forgiveness of God."
That words of that statement by my sister was the key that unlocked the door for me. I realised that this was the one thing that had been holding me back for so long. I went to the Sacrament of Reconciliation for the first time in many years and I came out feeling loved, cherished and forgiven.
I was home to the Lord, I was forgiven and I was loved. A love that was always there if I had but looked. A love that will be always there no matter what.
I hope and pray that as a community and country travelling the road to reconciliation that someday soon we will ALL dance and sing with the knowledge that God truly loves us ALL.
Helen
